Letting Go

Three months ago I made one of the biggest decisions I think I have ever made. I packed my life up and moved to the Outer Banks.

Prior to this move, I lived a little town that was literally becoming a ghost town. I had pretty much grown up in this sleepy town and although it was a great place to grow up, I found that starting high school I just did not belong. My sleepy town is very southern, they like big trucks, flannel is a staple clothing, and everything smelt of Copenhagen Wintergreen. Now I am not saying that I didn’t enjoy this sometimes, the community feeling it gave, and although I had friends and was well liked for the most part, I never really felt like I fit. I was that girl who dressed city when I lived in the country. I didn’t do it to showboat or anything, I just really like clothes and that is what I felt comfortable in. When I started college a whole new world opened up. Even though it was just a community college and it seemed like my whole graduating class had chosen the same path, I was able to really be me! College was a great opportunity for me, however, school came to a screeching halt, my Cystic Fibrosis had other plans for me.

  ***

                When I was in the seventh grade, my family took our first trip to the Outer Banks. I absolutely fell in love! I loved the atmosphere, the clothes, the sense of community, I just really felt like this is where I belonged. After many more trips to the beach I knew that this, even if it was for a short time was where I wanted and needed to be. On a fourth of July trip my mom, dad, and I were on the beach soaking up every bit of sun we could; when my dad made the comment that I looked and sounded more healthy then he has ever seen. My mom quickly jumped in and agreed that the salt air just did something for me. I mean one of my nebulized medications was 7% salt water, so it was no wonder I felt so good. I really can not describe how light and free I felt when I visited the beach, when I feel good I am good. My senior year of high school my parents started to entertain the idea of moving to the Outer Banks, we just had to wait for my brother to graduate high school, a year later, he absolutely detested the idea of living at the beach.

                 While I waited to see what would come of moving, I enrolled in college and started working as a gymnastics coach. Even after I with drew from college for a short break, that i am still on, I still continued to work. For the first time in a while I found my fit…other gymnasts go figure. My co-workers quickly became my best friends, but still I longed to be at the beach. Two and a half years later my parents put the house on the market and within two weeks the house was sold. I was torn. On one hand it was my dream to live at the beach, but on the other I really loved my job. When my parents put the house on the market we thought it would be at least six months before we thought anything would happen, that was enough time to finish out my coaching season and make a swift exit to the beach. But that is not at all how it happened.

               My parents moved in November and twenty days later I joined them. The beach has been so good for me, the short time I have been here. The decision to move when I did had many driving forces, but the biggest one was my C.F.. I could have kept my plan to make a easy exit from. I could have lived with my sister and all would have been fine, except no one knew how to deal with my C.F. If there would have been an emergence, I would have been in a pickle. Now there were ways around it yes, but I was not ready to take that risk. Other thoughts that drove the move was my C.F team. We have butted heads for almost 21 years. It was time for a change, it was a perfect time too. When a C.Fer, depending on the clinic, turns 21 years old they get transferred to an adult clinic, so it seemed perfect time to move and establish new care with people who didn’t know me, a fresh start. Other reasons to move were:  I am young I need to experience more than this, moving with my parents may be the only way I can move, I need a new start!

                  Living here has been a blessing. Even through some of the difficulties we, as a family have faced, we are so blessed. We thought we had moved into our dream home. We were renting it while the sellers got their stuff together, what we didn’t know was that they owed way more on the house then they let on. The house went from sale, to short sale, to foreclosure in a matter of months. With the bank in possession the possibility of buying the house slipped from our grasp, luckily we were able to find a house, that lacked a water view, that was perfect for our situation. We were sad we would have to move from this beautiful home, but we realized for the price and the space it was perfect…and heck we live on an island, a two minute drive and you can be at water. As we were settling with this idea of moving, the bank came back with an offer. They would come down to the top of our budget, but we would have to pay everything else. Now we were back flip flopping between houses. After weeks of feeling unsettled we decided that the house on Lovey Lane was still the better choice. As we prepare to move…again things just seem to be falling into place.

                During the time of uncertainty and frustration, feeling unsettled and angry, I did not realize all the growing that was happening. I moved to a new state, I established my own care, I got a job doing something I love (almost as much as gymnastics), I have a family who is awesome, I will be able to go back to school, and best of all I got my new start. The limits are endless with what I can do. Fear will not hold be back from living a life full of adventure!

XOXO

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: